Using boogers to your advantage and other parenting tips

All my study of philosophy leads me to so many deep, serious matters that I forget my long-term intent on some Dave-Barry style reflections.

2 years down, and appx. 16 more to go... unless he stays home through college... Oh wait, there's another one on the way, so I guess it's at least 18 years to go. Anyway, 2 years of parenting and some observations:

1. When your child misbehaves, confuse him. Try it. Next time he throws a tantrum, you throw a tantrum at the same time, or go in the middle of the room, stand on your head, and sing the National Anthem. You will bewilder your child long enough to make a run for it. When he can no longer see you, he can't scream at you.

2. My son hates to blow his nose this week. He has a horrible cold and I can hear a pint or so of ooze bubbling from inside his half-developed sinuses (ENT doctor says sinuses don't develop completely until older). If he'd just blow it, his sore throat would start to clear up. But I realized something! You can use boogers to your advantage. Instead of playing with his toys while I'm on the phone or reading an email, he too often runs to me for entertainment. The solution? Say, "come here and let's blow your nose'.  He goes running back to his toys. Success!

3. The magic word "later". Once your child grasps the concept of "later" it can be very useful. Here's how it works:
Isaac: Isaac wan go outside now.
Daddy: No, it's too cold to go outside.
Isaac: Isaac go outside, now!
Daddy: Isaac, it's raining and cold today. We can't go outside.
Isaac: No, daddy, no daddy. Outside!! (stomps up and down)
Daddy: Maybe later.
Isaac: (pause) Gooo outside laaaater. Isaac go outside later.
Daddy: Yes, maybe we'll go outside later.

See how you subtly add on the word "maybe"? Here's another example:

Daddy: Do you mind if I buy this new game. It's on sale for $39.95. It will work awesome on my Geforce SLI system.
Mommy: We don't have money in our budget for a game. We've got to save money for moving expenses.
Daddy: But... I told you it's awesome. Come on.
Mommy: I said we don't have it in our budget right now.
Daddy: But, I wan it, I want it, pleeeease?!
Mommy: Maybe later, Peter. Maybe you can buy it later.
Daddy: (pause) Buy game laaater. Peter buy game laaater.
Mommy: Yes, maybe we'll buy it later.

4. Go slap mommy's butt. Now this one is a keeper. It's not something you want to overuse, but it come in very handy at times for more than one reason:

Recreational use --> "Hey Isaac. Where's mommy? Go slap her butt. Go. Run, slap her butt."
Professional use (use with care) --> Mommy was supposed to pick up soy milk for me at the store and forgot again. She is kind of sensitive to criticism right now. Hey, Isaac, go slap mommy's butt for me.

5. Good father son bonding activity: throwing dirty diapers at the cat. Self-explanatory.

Enjoy your day.
WPF