Parenting Quiz: What kind of parent are you?

Situation #1: Daddy gives Isaac too much food. As most parents know, there is a toddler law, written on the heart, that goes something like this "when the stomach fills up, don't let good food go to waste. Us food as projectile."

Multiple choice Quiz #1: There are pieces of chocolate cake on the kitchen floor, and on the wall. How should you clean it up?

a. Rrisky method: don't clean it up, leave it for mommy to clean up later.
b. Prudent method: clean it up with a wet, slightly soapy washclash.
c. BORING method: use a dustpan and broom.
d. Daddy's way (DW): use a power tool, preferably a vacuum cleaner or shop vac. It's loud, it's fun, it scares the cats, it's a power tool.

ANSWER: D

Explanation: From answer D we get the following principle called Peter's Razor: all things being equal use a vacuum cleaner whenever possible unless you are vacuuming up chocolate cake on a kitchen floor. It tends to shoot the cake out the back of the vacuum into an evenly dispersed chocolate pudding pile (trust me).

Situation #2: Something smells. Bad. And it isn't Isaac's breath.

Multiple choice quiz #2: How do check a toddler/baby for a dirty diaper?

a. Risky method: Don't. If you wait long enough, the poop will dry, the smell will diminish, and your ignorance will be your bliss.
b. Prudent method: feel the back of the diaper. Test for size and lumps.
c. Daddy's way (DW): Put face, carefully, to diaper. Inhale deeply. If your eyes water or the gag reflect kicks in, you're on to something.
d. Mommy's way: Put finger down diaper. Examine finger. (mommy's note: finger going down the diaper is accidental. The finger is used to pull the diaper away so you can look down inside.)

Answer: D

Explanation: OK. My wife wins this round. I have to admit that this method is far from boring. I don't know for the life of me why she does it, but it takes guts. It involves an element of risk, it takes courage, and is hilarious to watch when she finds something. She might as well take a urine sample while she's at it. It's even more fun to watch when there is no place to clean off the poopy finger!

Situation #3: Your toddler has something on his/her face. It looks like food, but it could be a booger.

Multiple choice quiz #3: Your toddler has UFO (unidentified face object). What should you do?

a. Risky method: let it dry and cake. Similar to the diaper approach.
b. Prudent method: a wet washcloth, slightly soapy.
c. Daddy's way: a power tool, preferably a vacuum (cf. Peter's Razor). Slightly less fun is to take a handfull of water and rub it all over his face and hair.
d. Mommy's way: spit on your finger and rub vigorously.

Answer: C

Explanation: Answer D is just plain gross. For some reason, all kids hate it. We tell our kids not to pick their nose and eat it, yet it's OK for us to spit on our hands and rub it all over their faces. Plus, you have to be careful with this method. Remember never to use the same finger twice. It could be a booger after all. And, when you run out of fingers, your eatin' what your cleaning. Answer C is just plain fun.

As you can see, Daddy's way has a slight edge, although I should say that a good approach might be a combination of both approaches. You might even try asking your kids next time he/she is in one of these situations. "So, Isaac. Should we clean up your spilled juice with a paper towel (yawn for effect), or... a wet/dry vac (say with much excitement!)?"

Enjoy your day,
WPF